Waking Up Under a Boulder

Woke up grumpy and discouraged, trying to pray these daggers of Satan away: blame, frustration, despair, apathy, temptation of abandonment (if I ignore it, it doesn’t matter).

Trying to keep the issue wrestled to the ground and nailed with a submissive heart.

Corners keep lifting up with the wind of impatience and frustration.

Oh, Lord, help me! I seem unable to keep this thing laid down at your feet without picking a corner up every week, checking underneath, in the hope that things will be different.

You who know my inward parts since my beginning, and understand me best, I beg of You to read my heart by Your Spirit and heal and refresh! Forgive my weaknesses—the unsealed corners of my heart that let in the Liar’s whispers of doubt and despair.

Here it is…again. I pray for glimmers of hope as I wait for total resolution. I pray for peace today, and a heart full of joy and affection. It is through Your Son that I gratefully come and stay by Your Side as you work here today and every day.

Did you ever have one of those nights, that, as you lay your head down and closed your eyes with that final, fleeting thought, you just knew you were going to wake up under a rock? You felt the boulder’s weight as you nestled down underneath it, trying to ignore it, or toss it aside with deliberate, positive thoughts and prayer? It isn’t a new resting place. In fact, you’ve been here so many times, the ground is bent in the permanent shape of your soul crouched in the fetal position. You don’t choose to be here, but here you are again. Somehow Satan has nudged you back from the merging lane into the main line of traffic you were trying to avoid.

We all have those nights, I suspect. Actually, it’s more of a hope, because as much as I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, it certainly is reassuring to have good company in the battle and not be the only one trying to defend this ground with my paltry skills.

So, what to do? Hmmm…why do I always begin with this verb, like every issue, no matter how complex or important, can be solved by making my way methodically down a “to-do” list? For those of you who may be Princess Bride fans, that’s what is known as a BOUS (Boulder Of Unusual Size) to lay down and wrestle with (again) on another day.

Here’s my list:

1. Pray “And the Spirit Himself intercedes for us (Me!) with sighs to deep for words.” Romans 8:26

2. Return to His word and remind myself of His promises:

*With a heart bent to His will, even if that will is yet undiscovered or understood, my Heavenly Father gives me exactly what I need, when I need it. (Despite my desire to hurry Him along and choose His will for me.) *And this is the confidence we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have obtained the requests made of Him. John 5:14,15

*He ‘gets’ me, and what I truly need. Even when I can’t explain it clearly in specific words to Him, or even if I, myself, don’t understand what I am feeling, He does. You have searched me, Lord, and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue You, Lord, know it completely.” Psalm 139

*He calls me to come, rest, and take His learning yoke. So here I come (again!), and I will learn how to walk through this with Him. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:27-29

3. Practice the discipline of waiting and not lifting up the edge of the rock every 5 minutes to check the progress.  those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.Isaiah 40:30-31

May God help me (I know He will!) and all of us as we wake up grumpy or move through our work and relationships that have challenges and frustrations.

I feel better all ready! God keeps His promises.

How do YOU deflect the Evil One’s flaming arrows of discouragement and despair?

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About An Earthen Vessel--Terri Apgar

Wife of one, mother of three, so grateful for God's grace--that's me. I'm just tucked into my bay window, opening my heart to God and trying to be brave about letting Him use all that He has crafted inside me to His glory.
This entry was posted in Deflecting the Weapon of Discouragement, The Walk, Trials, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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