It is Enough

Nearly six months of living-of challenge, and grief, and serving and joy-and I’m dry
from not meeting Him here to be transformed in this heart crevice. I am convinced that in the realm I do not see, in the battle for hearts and minds that is being waged, there is a desire that I do not meet Him in this place. If I do, I will be changed. My understanding of, my gratitude for, my love of, my worship to Jehovah will strengthen the bond between us. And if I am changed and strengthened, then the church can be changed and strengthened, and so the world can also–and they lose.

I once again take up the thread that God has been handing me, gently prodding me
in ongoing transformation as He accomplishes His work in me, in His church. I grasp
the strand and open my heart to the Master weaver, working on this corner of tapestry…

I begin with the pews and the walls and the communal gatherings—with the place
and routines that unite me to my Father, who calls me to worship.

John 4:23,24 “The hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the father in spirit and truth, for such the Father seeks to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

He seeks those that He gathers to Himself. He is the One that extends the invitation to fellowship.

What has been nagging at me these past months, is how upside down and backwards we, the church– our fallen but redeemed selves– often live this. I hear it, I see it, I participate in it, so I begin with me.

Grabbing the mirror of His grace and Truth, I hold it up. What do I see? Look deep,  now, with eyes wide open. I am meeting Him here to be transformed, so I must toss
aside the reluctance, the justification, the thirty-four years of habit, the excuses, the well-intentioned misunderstandings, and stand firm, my hand in His, with heart wide open.

He brings me questions…

When do you come just for Me?  When do you gather, not for the fulfillment of duty…nor for the encouragement you collect…not even for the service you render. When do you come, just to be in My Presence?

When do you come to just to give, not to take? When is it not about how compelling
the bread scattered from the pulpit is, nor the pace and spirit of song whose chords sound pleasing? When is it not about the interest level of topic, but about what you bring Me as a heart offering?

When do you completely lay aside the distraction of seats and walls, air vents and
sound systems, Powerpoints and microphones, and focus on Me, and our fellowship

When do you deliberately push aside the grocery list, the engaging smile of that
precious child before you, the purse-poking for lozenge, the pen for margin
artistry and commit to being wholly and purposefully Mine, in the moment?

When do you lay aside the trappings of culture that make choice and voice, comfort
and control entitled rights, and instead offer a kneeling heart of homage and reverence—relinquishing your ego, your desires, and yourself?

When do you come not to ask, but instead to say…thank You, I trust You, I need You, I love You? I see all your needs, and welcome your petitions, but there is a time to lay them aside and speak the words of Truth about Me. As you speak them, I write them deeper on your heart and soul, and My Truth becomes stronger there and does it’s work.

So many questions to prepare a heart for Him.

I do not like the answers I see.

But I hear His call. He is seeking me, and His grace covers all.

Tonight, when I gather with my precious family to worship, I will prepare my heart for
focus, humility, a lifting up instead of a grasping of gifts. There will be time enough for that later, because He is a good God. Tonight, instead, I will bow my heart and name Him as

My great God.

The One in whom I trust.

The One whose Presence I adore and depend on.

The One I need.

The One I love.

And that will be enough.

About An Earthen Vessel--Terri Apgar

Wife of one, mother of three, so grateful for God's grace--that's me. I'm just tucked into my bay window, opening my heart to God and trying to be brave about letting Him use all that He has crafted inside me to His glory.
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